Newest decor: realized I don't need to eat a sandwich everyday, but I can make a panini, the feeling of someone else's energy out the top of their head, remembering how nice it feel to lay near someone else
The loaded machine guns didn't shock me. Actually, when you see their respect for the gun, the territorial protection they have over it coupled with the ease, comfort and calm they have while handling it...you feel so safe.
Newest decor: unexpected safety amidst armory, excitement for the local culture, chicken liver (like being a chicken liver for being too scared to try chicken liver...), and (instead) falafel in pita. Holla The Old City consists of a certain area within the modern city of Jerusalem. It was the only existing part of the city until about 1860 and holds some of the most notable historic places in the city.
This gorgeous landscape is viewable from Hebrew U. Being on the zenith of all of Israel has its perks: 360 views. Newest decor: the finishing of a GOOD book for the time in 3+ years, cozy blankets, and fresh humus. Now, apparently there is a longer version of this poem. There are also many different phrasings within the poem because, the thing is, Veronica A. Shoffstall doesn't exist online. I have tried researching her. What the original poem says is unclear. What it stands for is far more important anyway. Supposedly it was written in 1971. What she endured within that time period in order to create this lovely string of words will never be known. Even though, I don’t know anything about you Veronica, creating something so raw and sharing it with the world is selfless and generous. So human and so strong. Since first encountering it, who I am and who I aim to be on a daily basis is constantly shifting as different parts are highlighted to me and phrases morph from meaning one thing to another in relation to my current life status.
I came across this poem in my church bathroom - the handicapped one because you know everyone likes it more and goes into it crossing their fingers that someone actually handicapped doesn't come in behind you because then you would feel absolutely awful. Every time I went into that bathroom I read the poem at least two times. Nice and slow. Partially because I didn't want to return during the peace offering. Who likes shaking hands with strange people? I always liked the poem, but also found it disconsolate. Most young people in this society, more so young girls, have a tendency to believe in "the one" and can't ever imagine heart ache. They think once you find “the one” everything is smooth because you are with your compatible other. Basically, that once we find that special person we no longer have to try because everything is “right.” As young women, when we do first go through heart ache, we are programmed to be woeful of ourselves and convince those around us to pity our heart ache because the man took something from us: our love, our happiness, our ability to love, our strength, our drive, our self security, self confidence and self worth, along with many other things. The break up doesn’t really teach us to better ourselves or understand why WE weren’t compatible but rather, what the man in the relationship did to screw it up. Again, we subject ourselves to inactive behavior, believing everything happened TO us. In high school, when I finally remembered to bring a notebook and pen to write down this poem, only a few things resonated with me. At that age, the anxiety was at full blast and the beginnings of depression were just starting to bloom. "You really can endure, you really are strong and you really do have worth" struck me. I began actively telling myself where my strengths were, what motivated me, and why I was worthy. Of course, now I also had this amazing poem in my back pocket to pull out whenever I needed, which turned out to be a lot more than I ever expected. After my first break up and cliché first relationship mistakes I found myself connecting with "kisses aren't contracts and presents aren't promises". This time, I actively started working more in all of the relationships within my life from family to friends to instructors, reminding myself relationships are constantly reshaping and shifting: living, active. I then got a tattoo to remind me of this poem everyday. At the time, I thought I really understood it, but I was still taking pieces of it out of my back pocket every once in a while and reapplying them to my life here and now. How I saw the poem changed from day to day. After my second break up, I empathized with "futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight" when my long term relationship fell apart in a matter of what felt like minutes. That is when I began to cherish all aspects of my life and all aspects of myself so that if I were to lose someone else in my life, I won’t have been leaning on them, but rather standing next to them. Nobody wants to fall over. Here…and now…I am finding myself diving into the meaning of "decorating your own soul, instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers". I am to the point now, where this poem no long seems disconsolate. This is not saying "screw you world.” I am not telling my current love that I do not need him. I am not skeptical of love. If you notice, this poem states, "kisses aren't contracts and presents aren't promises" because love is not a one time action. You do not give a kiss every morning and have security in your relationship because of that kiss nor do you give a gift and have one's love forever. You do not lean on someone or just hold their hand. Shoffstall is saying there is a difference between the continual action of loving someone, the continuous effort, versus a fleeting action. Not only in love, but in life, we must realize nothing can be fleeting. We must make everything impactful and a moment of education and growth. We must not mourn in our defeats but act on them and work to never repeat them. Simply put, it is a constant state of activity. Not pro- or re-, just activity. The more active you are in the present, the more naturally prepared you will be for whatever flies towards you, and then you will have that thing in your back pocket to apply it to whatever you need in that moment. Every woman needs to be taught at a young age what Shoffstall is shouting in this poem. Teaching young women to be constantly active will empower them. Understand that all types of relationships are difficult, but the less stagnant you are within it, the easier it will be to work with each other. Stay strong in yourself, but be strong in accepting your own downfalls and realize you can't always play the "you" card, "you" hurt me, "you" didn't apologize. It becomes accusatory and self pitying. Never pity yourself and never let others pity you. Ensure both partners in the relationship live up to the same standards. With every argument, see what they did wrong, see what you did wrong and help each other remove that mistake from your relationship as best you can. And when it doesn't work out, take your day to wallow, but then realize with all variables at hand, time, place, personality, morals etc, you weren't compatible together, so be active and understand what didn't make you compatible so you can avoid that next time. And when it does or is currently work(ing) out, understand that you can still be active aside from the relationship as well, because later, if it doesn't work out, you will be naturally prepared. That is why I am here, in Jerusalem. I am "decorating my own soul". My love (and all other people in my life) is supporting me and helping me, as I am him, and we are both being active with each other as well as not, but I am not waiting for anyone else in my life to show me the way, to show me my choices, to show me my worth, or to show me experiences. I am actively finding these things. I am actively finding decor to make me who I am. So I guess I hope this post finds you actively wanting some new décor as well. Almost forgot my... Newest decor: Remembering and realizing even more how incredibly powerful the sun is in regards to happiness and the warmth in my soul. Began language and dance classes today! Worked with a past member of Vertigo dance out of Israel learning a section of a piece from 2010. The movement derived mostly from the idea that inhalation and exhalation moves the fluids within your body, in turn, moving the body. Seeing as your body consists of so much fluid, it was an amazing image to work with and was helpful with continuity and the recycling of energy.
Newest decor: the beginnings of a new language (and trying to remember what language it actually is) purple lipstick, happy muscles, dirty feet, and broken sandals. Here, in 1925, this amphitheater was built and Hebrew University of Jerusalem Israel developed.
Newest decor: all day long sweaty arm pits, new fear of flying due to an awful landing, the self taught act of minimalism without degradation of continuous happiness, and Einstein in constant view. About to leave Minneapolis, stopping in Newark, NJ, and then a good ole eleven hour flight.
Newest decor: flight, heart inflammation and a few aches |
AuthorStarted in small town Wisconsin, made my way to a city, a larger city, a country and another country and now...Jerusalem. "Even sunshine burns if you get too much. So you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers" Archives
December 2015
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